


Not Living, Not Dead

by WindMeister8



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Cabins, F/M, Fights, Military, Psychological Drama, Thriller, Undead, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 19:09:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14361786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindMeister8/pseuds/WindMeister8
Summary: With all her teammates dead, a military captain takes refuge in a cabin in the woods. Together with the mysterious stranger who saved her life from the undead, they radio in for backup. But when the forces of nature, in the form of a snowstorm, trap them inside the small place, can they rely on each other to survive?Because the only thing worse than the living dead... comes from within the human self.





	Not Living, Not Dead

**Author's Note:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=3MbYHNPD5Ps#Shingeki_no_Kyojin_OST_9_-_Kyojin_Shinkou))**

Standing on the steps leading to a small cabin, the brunette swept her eyes over her surroundings, from the snow-capped mountains in the distance to the vast sprawling land in front of her. All was silent, save for the loud chirping of the crickets.

The narrow dirt road she had traveled down was empty of vehicles. Tall grass on both sides of the road stretched to the horizon as far as she could see, swaying along to the touch of the gentle breeze. There was no sign of any living thing in the vicinity.

Her guard still up, she turned towards the raven haired man standing behind her, an automatic rifle held to his chest. Jerking her head in the direction of the open area, she spoke in a low voice, her breath condensing in the chilly air. “Watch my six.”

Steel grey eyes met hers. The man nodded and turned his gaze back to the fields around them.

Supporting her rifle with one hand, she reached out with the other to feel along the top of the wooden doorway. It had to be here somewhere.

Halfway down the length of the doorway, her fingertips still picked up nothing but dust. Her heart almost sank until her fingers brushed against the metal tip of a key. She sighed in relief before slipping the spare key out of its hiding place and sliding it into the front door lock. 

A light turn of her wrist and the lock disengaged with a loud click that seemed to echo within the house. She froze, holding her breath as she listened for any movement coming from inside. Seconds passed with the only sound being her quickened heartbeat.

Motioning to the man, she pointed two fingers at the front door. Once he acknowledged, she lifted her rifle to her shoulder and pushed the door open with a hand. 

A quick scan of the house revealed three rooms and the living room cum kitchen in front of her. The windows were boarded up, leaving enough sunshine to stream in, illuminating the interior. Furnishings were simple and plain, nothing seemingly out of place. 

Treading steadily across the wooden floor, she crossed over to the rooms lined up on the left. Her finger curled around the trigger of her gun. She inhaled deeply, her body tense, and in one quick motion, she pushed the first door open wide. She did a sweep of the small bedroom, and finding nothing, she exhaled softly. One room down.

She moved on to the next room and then the next. Lowering her rifle, she called out to the man, “All clear. Secure the door.”

Only once he was in and had fastened the bolt on the front door did she then allow herself to relax a little. Still, there was one more part to go before she could declare the premises safe.

“Now, check for any bites.”

 

_No. Not again. Not this scene…_

_Whipping her head back as she ran, she watched helplessly as the swarm of undead swallowed up another of her teammates. The piercing shriek that followed, the cry of a man in his last moments, sent chills down her spine._

_“Captain! The road is blocked!“_

_She snapped her attention back to the front and gasped as she saw another group of undead headed their way. Quickly weighing their options, she pointed towards a small alleyway down to their right. “Head there!”_

_Her small group of three remaining soldiers turned simultaneously, running like the wind as tens of undead converged on them. Another cry from the back of their pack and they were down to just two – she and her wingman. They wound their way through the convoluted mess of rubble, the sound of grunts still within hearing distance. As she rounded another corner, she jumped across the broken remnants of a building, narrowly missing the sharp pieces of metal jutting out._

_A sharp hiss made her halt and turn back, only to see a small jagged wire protruding through her wingman’s winter boots, a dark shade of red already coating the black leather. Their gaze met and she gulped back tears upon reading the expression on his face._

_“Mike…” she whispered, her voice breaking._

_“Go, Cierra. I can at least buy you some time,” the burly man said calmly while hoisting his rifle up._

_She hesitated, her mind in turmoil, struggling to find a better alternative._

_“Captain Knightley,” Mike addressed her sternly. “Go.”_

_Her eyes widened, she nodded sharply even as her heart broke. She turned away, but not before calling out one last time. “I’ll see you on the other side, soldier.”_

_Then she ran. And ran. A coward who couldn’t even save her team._

_Heart pounding furiously in a fit of rage, she almost ran into the barbed wire that stretched the length of the city. She hurriedly removed her backpack and hurled it over the fence, her rifle slung over her shoulder. After a quick survey of the fence, she spotted the point that appeared the slackest. With two hands, she firmly grasped the wire that hit below her hip and pushed it down. Looking back, she slowly lifted her leg and swung it-_

_“Gnrhhhh!”_

_The fence shook as an undead man flung himself onto it, his fingers reaching out to grab her. Shocked, she released her grip and the barbed wire bounced back into place. As she hurriedly backed away from the growling undead, a cut on her wrist caused her to hiss in pain._

_With no time to lose, she unslung her rifle, aimed it and- click._

_Fuck!_

_No ammunition. That last horde of undead must have spent all of it. She gulped and scoured around frantically for any weapon to use. Suddenly, the sound of gunshots in the distance caused her to jerk her head up. Mike…_

_A loud animalistic shriek followed and then, one last gunshot._

_Swallowing down the bile that threatened to come up, she closed her eyes, knowing that he had taken his life. She could hear them coming for her now…_

_She opened her eyes and continued her search but every second that passed only made her more frenzied. She took a quick look behind her. They were already within eyesight. Sweat pouring down her forehead, she looked back at the undead man. With her only weapon, she slammed the rifle butt down on his head again and again but it wasn’t enough._

_She breathed heavily, at a loss. It was then that another shot echoed in the small alleyway and the undead man fell to his feet, a bullet in his head. Perplexed, she looked up. A man was on the other side of the fence, pointing a similar rifle in her direction. Her feet frozen to the ground, she watched him lower his weapon an inch. Motioning to her with a slight tilt of his head, he spoke in a cold, clinical voice._

_“Hurry up.”  
_

 

“I just contacted base headquarters,” she stated while closing the kitchen cabinet, mentally keeping track of the number of canned food in it.

She looked up to see him dressed in a baggy sweater and sweatpants, a towel draped over his shoulders as he dried his hair with it. He nodded, padding over bare-footed to where she was standing. “What did they say?”

“They told us to sit tight for a day. A team will be sent to pick us up here,” she answered as she leant back against the cabinet, her arms resting on top of the counter.

Cocking her head in his direction, she eyed him cautiously. “Any infection?”

“No.” He placed the towel on the island table before fixing her in a cold stare. “You?”

She shook her head. “Negative.”

“Good.”

As he took a look around the kitchen, she sized him up. Now that she was all cleaned up and in a much calmer state, she finally had an opportunity to assess this stranger. He was short but she could tell he had a good build. His movement was fluid and confident, his behavior cool and aloof on the field. This guy was a professional.

Leading in with an ice-breaker, she said, “Thanks for saving me out there by the way. I’m Cierra. Cierra Knightley.”

He glanced her way. “Levi Ackerman.”

So much for conversation. She straightened up and took a step forward, letting her hands come to rest on the island table. “I’m guessing you’re military?”

“Ex-military,” he replied drily, tousling his hair. “I resigned a few years back.”

She hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah, I guessed so with that gun you had.”

“Oh.” He looked up. “It’s not mine. I picked it up off one of you guys.”

She froze. Her heart stopped cold and she mumbled in a daze, “One of…”

“At the mall.” 

An ex-military man was at the scene when they were attacked by the undead…

“I heard the commotion, waited till all was clear, then-”

As a clear picture formed in her head, the blood in her veins boiled. Hissing between her teeth, she glared daggers at him. “You motherfucker… You were there??”

Her outburst was only met by an unflinching stare that never left her face. His lack of expression only served to drive her up the wall. Her fingers clenched into fists as she shook with unbridled fury.

“You could have helped us, you bastard!” she hollered in his impassive face. Her chest heaved as the fire within her grew into an inferno. “We were being picked off one by one and you did nothing!!”

Practically screaming the last word, she threw a punch straight at him, wanting to wipe off that apathetic look on his face. Almost as if he had anticipated her move, he dodged to the left, grabbed hold of her arm and slammed it down on the table. His other hand found the back of her head and pushed it face down onto the wooden surface.

She cried out in pain, the side of her face feeling the burn of the impact. Her lips curling into a snarl, she regarded him with a murderous glare. As he bent closer, she jerked her head about but his firm grip kept her face planted on the table.

His lips barely an inch away from her ear, his breath tickled her skin. But what he said next was what made her veins turn ice cold.

“You mean… you did nothing.”

 

_Mike. Oh god no._

_She opened her mouth to shout at him to follow her. Nothing. Frowning, she screamed and yelled at the top of her lungs but it was like her voice was stuck in her throat._

_The silence around them was suddenly broken by guttural growls, a familiar sound that struck terror into her heart. As the army of undead marched towards Mike, he just stood there, looking at her through wide, fearful eyes. There was no weapon in his hands and he made no effort to find one._

_She looked down, finding a baseball bat in her hands. Her head jerked up again. When she saw the number of undead she was facing, her spirits dropped. There was no fucking way she could kill all of them. Her gaze found Mike again and she gestured to him that she was going to save him. But still no response from him._

_The undead were closing in. She had to move fast. Hunching, she made to sprint and pumped her legs-_

_What??_

_Panic rose in her chest. She yanked her legs up but they were glued fast to the ground. The undead were surrounding Mike and as she watched on helplessly, they started to eat him alive. He remained silent, only his eyes seemed to plead for help as he stared unblinkingly at her. Her stomach roiling at the sight, she sobbed soundlessly, her bat shaking in her hands._

_With one human down, the undead turned their attention to her, their grimy, bloodied hands reaching out for fresh meat. She struggled against the strange force holding her down, recklessly swinging her bat around as she did. She hit one, two, maybe three undead but they just kept on coming from all directions!_

_Another swing of her bat was stopped by a creepy smiling undead woman and yanked away from her. With no more weapons, she whimpered as they grabbed parts of her body, sinking their teeth into her flesh. A scream hurtled out of her lips and her hands clawed desperately-_

 

“Hey! Wake up already!”

Her eyes flew open. Seeing a shadowy figure in her blurry vision, she screamed in fright and threw flailing punches at it. But in seconds, her arms were caught in a steel grip, her body trapped beneath a heavy weight. 

“Cierra. Wake. Up.”

The sound of her name dispersed the fog over her mind. She blinked a few times, clearing her vision. Grey eyes looked down at her, a grim look on his face. It took her a second to connect the face to a name and immediately, her chest deflated. Her breathing slowly returned to normal, the tension in her body disappeared.

Letting go of her arms, Levi stood up. “Finally you’re awake. You look like shit,” he asked, a tinge of concern in his voice despite the harsh words.

She rubbed her forehead with the heel of her palm. Her hand came away wet with sweat. Her whole body was drenched in it and burning up with heat. 

“Yeah it’s just a nightmare,” she murmured as she slowly reoriented herself with reality. Her eyes slowly shifting to Levi, the sight of small red lines on his upper arm brought a worried frown. “Is that…”

He followed her gaze to the scratch marks. “Oh that.” He clicked his tongue. “You were one tough cat in your nightmare.”

She winced. “Sorry.”

Waving a hand in dismissal, he grabbed the backpack and rifle he had left on the wooden floor. “Anyway, just wanted to make sure you were up before I go out and get more wood.”

“Wood?” Her brow furrowed. She swung her legs off the bed and slipped her feet into her boots. “Don’t we have enough in the supply room?”

Levi pointed a finger to the boarded windows. “Not in this weather, no.”

She gulped, a spark of anxiety igniting. She took a step forward towards the windows and peered out through the boards. Snow fell in droves onto the blanket of white covering the ground. It must have been snowing the last couple of hours, judging by its thickness. 

He was right, there wouldn’t be enough wood. She pulled on her black knee-length military jacket. “I’m coming with you.”

He scoffed and trudged out of the bedroom with her following close behind. “No, a brat like you would just be a burden out there.”

“Wha-?!” Indignant, she was about to set him straight when he fixed her in a hard gaze.

“Stay here.” His voice was firm and unyielding. Their eyes engaged in a silent battle until his gaze softened. “Just rest. You’ll be safer inside.”

Her expression changing to one of surprise, she watched as he headed for the front door. The view of his back reminded her of Mike, of her dream, of what she felt as she watched him get eaten.

“Hey,” she called out, stopping him before he twisted the doorknob. She dug her hands in her coat’s pockets and cleared her throat as she mustered the words. “I’m sorry… about yesterday.”

“You were right.” She swallowed hard as the ache in her heart deepened. “There was nothing you could have done to save us.”

Levi paused. He turned his head to the side, not quite looking at her, his voice etched with resignation. “There was nothing you could have done too.”

 

_The same place. Same weapon._

_But instead of Mike, it was her brother, Aiden. His green eyes stared at her like those of a ghost, a distant image of what he used to be. This wasn’t the brother whom she loved and looked up to, but a man facing his last few moments on earth._

_No horde of undead. Just one this time. An undead woman tearing at her brother’s guts._

_She hoisted her bat and lifted her foot up. It worked this time._

_Creeping up slowly on the unaware woman, she held her breath. One more step…._

_She held her bat up high, the muscles in her arms tensing. She inhaled. And brought it down-_

 

There had been no news from the backup team since the first day of the snowstorm. The last report from them was when they were nearing the closest town in the north. As per protocol, there would be radio silence until the team had cleared the town. But that should have only taken a day at most. 

Meanwhile, the snowstorm only worsened. Everything outside was covered in white, the snow having piled up several feet high. The wind howled and whipped mercilessly against the shutters. It was nigh impossible for them to leave the cabin. 

Despite the large amount of firewood they had gathered, they tried to ration how much they used. Food supplies were also divided into smaller portions for they had no idea how long they would be stuck in the cabin. But slowly, the lack of sufficient warmth and food was taking a toll on their health. Thankfully, they still had some alcoholic beverages left. And that was what they were downing in the middle of the night as they tried to keep the cold and the demons of their dreams away.

“They’re not coming,” Cierra said with a swig of her beer. “Are they?”

Sitting opposite her, Levi kept silent, swirling the can in his hand. She looked at him through half-lidded eyes, noting the heavy bags under his eyes, the dryness of his skin. There was no mirror around but she was sure she probably looked the same way too. Every day, she woke up, drenched in tears and sweat, haunted by the same repeating dream. Forced to relive every loved one’s death.

“They’re just going to die…” she laughed humorlessly. “Because of me.”

Her laughter died in her throat, replaced with salty tears that rolled down her cheek. She downed another gulp, letting the warm liquid burn her throat and her sorrows.

Levi cleared his throat and diverted away from the topic. “What were you doing in that town anyway?” 

She expelled a breath and used the back of a hand to wipe away the tears on her chin. “We received word of a successful antidote in the city. Turned out to be a fake. We hightailed it out and that town was the closest to the city. What about you?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Just passing by. I’m a scavenger. Wherever my legs take me, I go. I try to save anything or anyone I can.”

She let out a small chuckle, amused at how alcohol had plied his tongue loose. “How many people have you saved, Levi?”

He held up a hand and counted soundlessly. At last, he replied, “Eleven people.”

She whistled in admiration. “How many still alive?”

“One.”

Seconds passed in contemplative silence, the only sound that of the grandfather’s clock in the middle of the hallway. She broke the silence first. “Thanks.”

Levi gave an almost imperceptible nod before taking another gulp of his beer.

“No family for you to go back to?” She continued the conversation in a different direction.

His jaw tensed, his lips drawn into a thin line. “Not anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, looking away. “Those fucking undead..”

“No, actually it was the war,” he corrected. “Well, technically it was illness.”

Staring down at his drink, his eyes were glazed over, his voice muted. “But I wasn’t by her side since I was in the army, so..”

“So that’s why you retired,” she finished his sentence for him. She knew all too well the pain of having a loved one taken away and not being there when they most needed it. A jab of sorrow hit her hard at the memory and she downed the rest of her beer.

Levi flicked a finger at her. “So how about you? Family?”

“The remaining ones… undead,” she replied simply, not needing to explain much more. The details were something that would haunt her in her nightmares.

He murmured an apology. “Must have been ugly.”

“So… we have no family, no real goal in life..” She trailed off. Her hand squeezed the can until the sides collapsed inwards with a loud crunch. “What’s the point in life then?” 

Levi stared into the distance, his expression grim. “None.”

His gaze returned to meet hers and he jabbed pointedly. “You give life a meaning.”

“Huh,” she snorted. “Very jaded, Levi. So what’s yours?”

His lips curved upwards in a smirk as a chuckle escaped from his throat. “Surviving. Saving when I can. Killing mostly.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “How many undead have you killed?”

Levi gestured with a show of his fingers. “Two hundred and eighty two,” he said with a hint of pride in his tone. “Promised to treat myself to something when I reach three hundred. Don’t know what yet.” 

Cierra let out a slow whistle. Holding out her battered can, she said with a smile, “Whatever it is, count me in.”

He chuckled and touched the side of her can with his in a toast. “Deal.”

 

_Every day she got closer and closer to the undead woman. One step by one step. This time, she was so near she could even hear the sound of its teeth wrenching flesh away from bone._

_Now, finally now, she had her revenge. She lifted her bat up high, her face scrunched in a mix of focus, rage, and triumph. As the undead noticed her presence, she swung her bat down…_

_…just as the face of the undead came into her view. Her eyes widened in horror, a shriek tearing from her lips-_

 

They saw the first undead on the horizon two days ago coming from the north, the same direction as the backup team. Without speaking, they understood that no one was coming for them. The snowstorm showed no signs of letting up either, trapping them to their little prison. 

More and more undead were now scattered over the wide fields and headed in their direction. And the threat wasn’t just from outside. She had known for a while now that Levi was turning. How he had contracted the virus was a mystery – maybe he had been ambushed by the undead during his mission to get firewood. But it did not matter. The signs were getting obvious, yet she had not the heart to kill her savior and one and only companion out here. 

But now with him lying on the bed, his breathing shallow and his skin ghastly pale, she knew that there was no longer any choice. Sitting by his side, she watched his lips part, the dry skin cracking under his effort.

“It’s time, Cierra.”

She looked down at the kitchen knife in her hand. Its shiny cold blade gleamed in the ray of sunlight that filtered through the window. Soon, it would be covered in blood… black blood. Levi’s blood. Her eyes squeezed shut. She couldn’t do this again. 

“I… can’t.” Her body shook, the words coming out as a strangled cry.

“Hey.” Levi’s breath came out in a raspy sigh. A trembling finger touched her hand, bringing her attention to his face. “Think of it this way. I have nothing more to live for.”

She bit her bottom lip, shaking her head to dispute him even though she knew he was right. Maybe she was just selfish in her need of a companion but she just could not take the life of another like this again.

His lips cracking into a smile, his eyes grew glassy. “I just want to see my girl again. As a human, not an undead. Please, Cierra. Do me this one favor.”

She looked at him through a veil of tears and she saw the face of a contented man longing to be released from his fleshy prison. Cupping a hand to her mouth to prevent her sobs, she understood she was only preventing him from being happy in his last moments. No matter how much she hated it, this was what’s right.

With a reluctant nod, she gripped the knife handle tightly and held it high above his chest. Levi let out a relieved sigh, his hands folded on his waist as he waited for the end. She held back her tears and took in a deep breath.

“Levi… thank you for everything,” she choked out as his gaze met hers in understanding.

She closed her eyes and swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

With all her might, she brought the knife down and stabbed him right in the heart. His chest heaved one last time, a breath expelled… and then he went still. She placed two fingers to his jugular. No pulse. Her right hand reached for the handgun on her side, her eyes still on him. The feel of the cold metal in her hand calming her, she trained the gun on him and waited to see if he awakened.

The seconds ticked by in palpable tension but Levi did not move. She breathed a sigh of relief and placed the gun back on the drawer. Turning back to look at him, she gently brushed his cheek with her fingers. They had been mere strangers a week ago yet she had grown so fond of him over time. Tears rolled down her cheek as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Goodbye, Levi.”

She trailed her hands down to the knife in his chest. Her right hand curled around the handle and pulled but it refused to budge, having lodged too deep. She adjusted her position and placed her left hand on his chest, around the knife. Pushing down with the left hand, she yanked on the knife again and this time, it came out cleanly, drops of black blood on its edge.

But as the tip exited from the flesh, it slipped a little and cut her finger. She hissed in pain, quickly retracting her hand and bringing it to her lips so she could suck-

She inhaled sharply.

Black blood oozed out from the cut. Black.

Her hand trembled as she clasped her wrist, her eyes glued to the dark color of the liquid staining her pale skin. It couldn’t be. How was this even possible?? The only other time she had been injured was… 

Her breath hitched in realization. She fingered the small plaster over the cut she had gotten from a week back. With shaking fingers, she removed it slowly to reveal raw swollen skin. She let out an unsteady breath as her heart beat furiously against her ribcage. That cut… had not been from the barbed fence...

She turned her head towards Levi’s prone body. If it was what she feared… 

She slowly lifted his arms. The plasters from where she had scratched him were still intact. Summoning her courage, she swallowed hard and peeled off a tiny section of one of the plasters. His wound had festered, just like hers.

Closing her eyes, she placed his arm down gently and buried her face in the bed. After all this time, she had been infected – a slow turner. And if that wasn’t enough, it was her that had infected Levi. She killed him. Her mouth opened wide in a silent scream as sobs wrecked her body. How many times had someone died because of her?? Her fingers dug into her shirt as she thumped her chest repeatedly. When would it ever end??

No. Her eyes widened. She would make it end _now_. Her mind made up, she lunged for the revolver on the dresser and pressed the barrel flush to her head. The metal was cold to the touch, merciless and unforgiving. Her bottom lip trembled as her finger curled around the trigger. She could do this. One shot and this meaningless life would be over…

_You give life a meaning._

The words echoed so suddenly that she spun around to look at Levi. His eyes were still closed but she could have sworn he had uttered it. She could even see it in her mind’s eye – Levi regarding her with a frown, telling her that it wasn’t her fault… that she still had something to do here.

She lowered the gun shakily and closed her eyes. This was not what he would have wanted her to do. What would he have done in her place?

Her mind calm, it only took a few moments of pondering before she found her answer. Her eyes flew open, filled not with tears but firm resolution. She leant down and whispered her last words to Levi before running out of the room, ready to put her plan to action.

Ten minutes later, she stood in the middle of the kitchen with her revolver by her side. The growls from outside were growing louder, as did the shaking of the cabin resulting from the swarm of undead who launched themselves at its walls. She tapped the revolver on her thighs in time with the loud thumps, waiting for that precise moment to act.

Her eyes on the door, she watched it give way slowly under pressure. The hinges creaked and whined until finally, it burst open. A group of undead spilled into the small cabin, hungry for her blood. A smirk grew on her lips as she aimed the revolver at the large barrel of gunpowder at her feet.

“I’ve waited long enough, you pieces of shit. Now come and get me,” she snarled.

They did not need any further invitation as they launched themselves at her. She estimated at least twenty of them were in the cabin now. Just nice. Her heartbeat slowed down, the growls of the undead muffled in her ear. She clicked the trigger, the shot ringing in her ear as sparks of fire engulfed her vision. The last thing she saw was the face of the undead woman in her dreams… and she smiled.

_300 undead. Open up a bottle, Levi. I’m coming._


End file.
